Category Archives: family

I’m Going to Do WHAT?

I was chatting with friend Jen today (you really should subscribe to her blog, Life in the Circus, it’s always a great read) about home schooling and how I would approach it now. Hard question. When we decided to home school after dialoguing for a full year with school personal about how they could provide better opportunities for Andrew and coming up practically empty handed (a few token classes but nothing meaty) we decided to try home schooling. Emily was a freshman at UNC-CH and Donald finishing out his high school years at the North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics in Durham.

Even though it was mostly my idea, okay all my idea, and Donny supported me, this is pretty much how I felt. A helpful selling point for both of us was the article that we read about three home schooled brothers who had recently graduated from Harvard. And all of our kids had skipped at least one grade so we figured if it didn’t work out we could drop them back into their chronological age grade and not miss a beat.

I'm going to do what?

I’m going to do what?

Stephen was maybe as skeptical as me but for a different reason, “This is how it’s going to work, Andrew,” he said after we told them the plan. “We’re going to go to regular school and then come home and Mom will teach us.” He could not believe that he would never have to go to public school again. Neither of the boys were getting into trouble or performing poorly academically. They were just bored. My take? They were learning really well how to efficiently waste time.

And so we took the plunge. And for weeks we did nothing, literally nothing. We were all so exhausted from all the trappings of getting ready for school, traveling to and from school (a good hour each way), working on projects not to mention homework that we just sat and stared at each other in silent glee. Then I started rounding up text books. I knew what I wanted them to learn and no curriculum was going to offer my eclectic blend. I found a company, Follett Textbooks, that had used books listed in an endless tiny print catalog, no pictures just books by category, page after page. They offered no questions returns. I jumped on that one. Remember this is still pre-public access internet days. I ordered books, returned books, relentlessly until I was satisfied.

And then we started in earnest. Before that there was learning going on. Just not out of a textbook.

 running on sandbags floating chain the bic and the boyslooking for indian artifacts with dad

Our days went like this. I would write out assignments for the two older boys after doing each one myself to be sure that I understood what I was asking of them and to ascertain about how long each lesson should take. Lewis was still in the hands on stage at this point. Reading and math were enough and quickly covered. I would line the books up (cannot locate the picture but it was awesome) on a bed and then they would have the day to complete it all. There was no school clock. No school room. They worked wherever and whenever they wanted. Inside, outside, long breaks in between, it didn’t matter.

We called ourselves the twenty-four hour family. Someone was always awake. The one rule was that all work for that day had to be completed by midnight. If they ran out of time they had to stop whatever else they were doing and finish up. I was usually in bed by then, but they didn’t abuse the system, or if they did they make it work, because when I got up the next morning the books with completed assignments were back in my court.

You didn’t think I was going to cover this all in one post did you? This is almost as much work as writing out assignments. I love both!

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Above the Fold

This is the third time my picture appeared on the front page of a major Richmond newspaper.  Here is the second time. I’ll tell you about the first in a future post.

We had plans to take the Church Hill Christmas tour on Sunday and even surprise snow didn’t slow us down. It was a short drive and just some gentle flurries. I had stopped to fix Andrew’s mittens when a guy with an impressive camera asked if he could take our photo for the newspaper. I guess we provided some fun color with all the winter whites and also a nice juxtaposition against the lamplight Christmas decorations.

church hill winter

The ice on the right is what’s outside today

I said sure. He took a few shots, got our information and we all went on our way. Imagine everyone’s surprise the next morning when we woke to find some of ourselves on the front page of the morning paper. It was a big picture and above the fold!

Even today the photo is great, the memory a cherished one, but the point of the story is a building you cannot see in the picture, the reason we were even on the tour. It was (was because while the building is still there the school is no longer in operation) St Patrick’s School. Run by the Daughters of Charity this tiny not upscale community school took it upon themselves to implement a rarely utilized, because it was so much work to put in place, form of education. Just before we landed there (the connection you see) head mistress Sister Mary Dorothy decided to trash regular grade by grade reading and math and put each and every student on an individually guide path. That meant testing each one, sorting them out, matching like groups up with a teacher and making a workable schedule, all while avoiding chaos. It was daunting. But she did it. And we were lucky enough to jump in at the right moment.st patrick's church hill

We tried a private school with Emily which was a bad fit. Then public school for a year and a half until we’d had enough. Home school was for religious exemptions only, not our thing. We heard about St Patrick’s from friends and since it was on Donny’s way to work (ride with Dad to school) decided to give it a try. It was everything we could have wished for and more. We aren’t Catholic but the community embraced us. They elected me President of the Home and School Association (the first non-Catholic ever) and a few years later Donny became Chairman of the school board (again first non-Catholic).

The next school year was to be Donald’s kindergarten year but he was way past that curve. Plus St Patrick’s did not even have kindergarten. Sister Mary Dorothy told us to have him independently tested and provided the scores were good she’d take him as a first grader. Of course his scores were off the chart. He was in but even in an IGE he was such an anomaly that he had his own reading teacher.

We stayed with St Patrick’s until we moved to the Outer Banks. With one tiny exception. When Emily reached middle school age she decided that she might like public school better. More things to do. After much discussion we withdrew and enrolled in the brand new local middle school. Memory is hazy but I think maybe half a day, maybe less, and we were back at St. Patrick’s.

Our last chapter with St Patrick’s came when Andrew reached kindergarten age. Well almost kindergarten age. That was the problem. He was like Donald, academically more than ready, but his birthday was three weeks past the cut off date for Dare County kindergarten enrollment. Next year we were told. Donny was still commuting to Richmond at the time and so he took Andrew with him, and with Sister Mary Dorothy’s blessing, enrolled him in St Patrick’s for a week. Then brought him home, transferring him into the Dare County system.

There’s more much more to our education journey. You will be reading the more.

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How I Got to Be in the Mother Of FIVE Club Part Four

You can’t get pregnant while you’re nursing. Ah, freedom for a few months. I bought it, hook, line & sinker.

And then one day Stephen quit cold turkey on me. Ten months old, he was eating solids but nursing was still the major part of his diet. Our kids loved mother’s milk. All solid nursers, no pussy footing around. But this baby just up and refused. My boobs were dying. “Please,” I implored. He clamped his mouth shut. The only way I could salvage the situation was to catch him just as he was falling asleep and trick him into draining a few drops from my super loaded, super confused breasts.

And then the light dawned. Hormones. He tastes new hormones. Pregnancy hormones. Nothing apparently that he wants anything to do with. Yup! We were on that band wagon again.

Soooo…natural delivery was a success but I could do better. I wanted a home delivery. I’m still trying to discern how I came upon information that there was a midwife in Richmond working through an OB-GYN to do home deliveries. Certainly not any of my girl friends. They were all main stream and this was radical. Not even any birthing centers in those days. Only hospitals. Being in the time well before google searching, I must have read an article somewhere. At any rate I called. My track record was a plus. I was told we needed to be within ten minutes of a hospital. MCV covered that base for us being just up the road from our Varina home. I was in.

Sally & I hit it off from the start. She was amazing. She had delivered babies in tents, in communes, and plain ordinary houses. The months drifted by. This baby was due in late November. At the start of the month, Sally told me that she was leaving town for a few weeks but would be back in plenty of time for delivery. She also told me that she was coming back on Election Day to vote and then was leaving again.

I protested. Did she forget that I was calibrated for early deliveries? Like clockwork every baby had been at least two weeks early. She told me not to worry and gave me her pager number. Election Day rolled around. I felt funny but nothing was happening. Still I couldn’t settle anywhere. I paced. I stretched. I played with Stephen. He napped. I didn’t. And then the mucus plug came out. A new one for me, I had read that meant imminent delivery. I called Donny. He came home. We waited. Nothing happened. And then contractions started rolling in, nice and slow, then picking up speed. “This is it!”

We paged Sally. She called. “We’re having dinner.” We was Dr Fitzhugh, his girl friend and Sally.

“You might want to skip dessert.”

They arrived to find me in full swing. “I’m worried about transition,” I told Sally. I did remember How. Hard. It. Really. Was.

sally

“You’ll be fine,” she said. She was right. Transition came and went. I hardly had time to recognize it. Time to push!

“Stop pushing for a moment,” came Sally’s calm voice. What? Not again. I stopped. “Get me a light,” I heard her say to Dr Fitzhugh who was hovering close by. Our bedroom had no overhead light. Only a small bedside lamp. There was one other lamp in the room but it had a broken shade and so only got turned on when you really needed a bright light. Dr Fitzhugh turned it on and brought it close to Sally. There was fumbling and low conversation. Then, “Okay push now. Hard!”

I did. And I promise just as that little soul entered the room everything changed. He filled the entire room with his presence. I could feel it everywhere. It was ethereal and glorious. We had our baby number four.

andrew born

Andrew Saunders Ball November 5, 1980

andrew s&a

“Why did you have me stop?” I asked Sally later.

“Oh the cord was around his neck,” she replied casually. “I needed to cut it.” So that’s what Andrew had been doing a few weeks prior when I was sure he was working on his gymnastic skills. Tangling himself up. I think early was a good thing. Glad that’s my calibration.

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How I Got to Be in the Mother Of FIVE Club Part Threeee

Life is good. Donny’s job in the family lighting business allows me to stay home with the kids. We frolic and play. We have fun.
rain play
A few years pass, both kids are in school. I go for my annual ob-gyn check up which also involves getting a new IUD insert. I am on the yearly plan by this time, no more shield. Almost as an aside I ask what will happen if I get pregnant with the insert in place. Termination I am told. No thank you I reply. I don’t want it under those conditions.

That left raincoats (Donny’s term for condoms) and careful counting as the only other options for us. We are careful but the very moment I feel overwhelmingly sick on a ride at Kings Dominion I know we are pregnant. And I am right. Termination is exactly how we landed in this new world and so those thoughts brought on by crazy pregnancy hormones are quickly dismissed.

Okay then this one is on my terms, I decide. The first two were on the doctors’ terms. I was always interested in natural child birth. I mean hadn’t women been doing this since forever? But I was quickly told it was just not a good idea with so much comfort at my disposal. I did not push back. Two epidural babies later and a bonus in the oven I am ready to take the reins.

Dr Knight is the youngest of the doctors in the group I elect to be and remain with because their reputation is that good. Plus Dr Knight and I have a history as he attended Donald’s birth. He agrees to my conditions. No drugs, no IV, all natural.

Such an affable child, our baby number three. He cooperatively scratches a tiny hole in his water sac allowing us plenty of time to bring in child care, get to the hospital (a different one but still on the opposite side of town) as a tiny little stream of water slowly empties the amnio fluids. Eventually we are at the hospital, parked and walking the strange empty hallways trying to find exactly where maternity is. Contractions are starting. The trickle down period is over.

We finally find our place and I settle into a labor room. The nurse tries to prep me for an IV. I tell her no. She looks confused. The doctor comes in and shrugs his shoulders. “Can we put a contraction monitor on you?” I agree. “How about a fetal monitor?” I feel like I might be losing control but agree. We are hooked up to the monitors but that’s it. Labor is getting serious.

“Oh look,” says Donny. “A contraction is starting.” He is fascinated. If I felt better I would have smacked him. I know a contraction is coming well before the stupid machine does.

The doctor wanders off, then comes back in, “How are you doing? Ready for your epidural?” I want to sock him too. I only glare.

I am birthing a baby. How do you think I am doing? I am working hard here. Very hard. I remind myself. Remember. How. Hard. This. Is. Do. Not. Forget. How. Really. Hard. This. Is. Really. Really. Hard.

Finally the nurse announces that I am ready for delivery. “Don’t push.”

What? Don’t push? That’s all I want to do. That’s what I’ve been working toward. Now I’ve got to hold the line. Don’t. Forget. How. Hard. This. Is. And then he is here. We have done it. Middlemost child and I. We are a natural team.

stephen

Stephen Dyott Ball April 29, 1979

 

 

 

 

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How I Got to Be in the Mother Of FIVE Club Part Too

The first chapter in this five part series has me announcing quite emphatically that one is enough. Months of seasickness morning sickness are not for this gal no matter how cute the outcome. I was firm. And then she got me. Cuteness won. She needs a friend, I tell Donny. He agrees.

emily two

Back then when we discussed having a family I said six, he said four. It was just conversation, never a real plan, just never not a plan. We both like children. That’s actually how we met. Creating an interactive booth for kids at a church function, but that’s a whole other story.

I have my Dalkon Shield taken out. Yes, I had one of those. Probably a good thing I opted out of the one kid plan. Again the advise, it may take awhile. Again, we’re immediately pregnant.

Maybe it won’t be so bad this time I lie to myself. It’s possibly worse. Emily is a trooper. We sit on the couch, eat popsicles and watch endless TV. A four channel selection worth. Her first full sentence is, “It can be yours if the price is right!”

The kip isn’t due until the end of March but my track record says early.

It’s morning. I feel weird. I beg Donny not to leave for work just yet. As he is getting another cup of coffee my water breaks, all over the bed. For the uninitiated, as I was, it’s a LOT of fluid. Followed by I’m not f*&king around here contractions. I fervently want to lay there (just not on the not water bed) and pop the kid out. My friend the couch will be perfect. But such birthing is only for hippies and those way out people.

We call the doctor. Meet us at the hospital. It’s going to be close. We call our neighbor Slim to come take care of Emily.

We start our journey to the hospital on the other side of town. Faster I urge Donny. His presses the pedal harder. Suddenly blue lights appear. “Hello officer, sorry about speeding but my wife is having a baby. Can you help get us to St Mary’s faster?” The officer looks at me. I’m too busy holding the baby in check to look back. I’m sure that he figures he either gives us an escort to the hospital or he helps deliver a baby. Escort it is.

Not that many months later Emily has her fully formed playmate. Mission accomplished.

donald and mickey

Donald Athelstan Ball Junior March 6, 1974

 

 

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How I Got to Be in the Mother Of FIVE Club Part One

me and e

Emily Downing Ball July 12, 1971

This is a repeat of my recent BlogSpot post because I am becoming rather attached to the new me. And since I have not finished the Mother Of Five Club saga here’s the first part again if you chanced to read it over there.

We were married a year. Be a couple for a year before starting a family sounded like good advice and we found that it passed fast and we were still happy with each other and our life.
So let’s take the kid plunge we reasoned. Don’t worry if it takes months or even a year said the doctor when I quite the pill. And use some protection for a few months until your body has time to readjust.

Barely weeks into commando there was just that one time when protection was too much trouble. And we found out how fertile we were.

I’m just tired and sick. You’re pregnant. No over the counter tests in those days. Finally official confirmation. I got sicker. My days went like this. I woke up, threw up, went to work, came home threw up, went to bed.

I was teaching. My usual lively classroom became a tomb. I dared anyone to talk, to move from their seat, to move in their seat, to look at their neighbor. They created some great art because they had nothing else to do.

I got sicker. I lost weight. A lot. Can’ t you give me something I whined to the doctor. Something safe. I remembered those thalidomide babies all too well. I can put you in the hospital was his reply. I will put you in the hospital if you cannot keep something down. Nope. I had a job that brought in a needed paycheck. Mashed potatoes and I became tenuous friends. Only three months. Only mornings.

Lies. Maybe for some. Not for me. Day and night for months. And months. And months. I’ll still be sick after the baby is born I sighed. Finally around month seven it subsided. Just in time for the No Room In The Inn for anything but baby part.

This child will be an only I decided. That will be just fine. Get it here safely and let it be healthy and that’s it. I will not do this again. Never.

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